And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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