Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
