Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
