Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
