He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
