I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize