she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
