Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
