he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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