If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
