Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
