and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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