I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
