meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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