So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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