Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
