just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
