i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
