K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
