I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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