Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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