Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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