She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
