So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
