Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
