So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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