Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
