i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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