Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
