Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
