I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
