lets start a swedish sibling band together
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
