why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
