She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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