I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
