So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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