I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
