U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
