Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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