i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
