So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
