"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
