is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
