I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
