we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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