watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
