Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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