i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize