I didn't shave. On purpose
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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