Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
