I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize