after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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