We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So squirting runs in the family.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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