Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize