everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
