I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
