And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
