If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
