we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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