I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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