Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
