so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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