I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
