I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
