So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
