i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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