This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
