I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sarcasm needs its own font
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
