He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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