All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
