I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
this beer tastes like vomit already
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
