So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
