allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
